Getting Started

audio-lessons
audio lessons
join
supportsiw


MessedUp BookCover2.2

Guy's New Book "Messed Up" 

In his fourth book, Guy Hammond uses his usual comedic wit, combined with valuable practical advice on how anyone can untangle their messy lives, no matter what they’ve done, to go on and be used by God to accomplish incredible things.

ORDER NOW

Thriving sm

Thriving Beyond the Margins

So you have the opportunity to study the Scriptures with someone who is same-sex attracted, or who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Congratulations. What an honor! In this companion volume to Caring Beyond the Margins, Guy Hammond provides additional studies for individuals with same-sex attractions who are studying the Bible. These studies are designed, not to replace the study series used by your local church, but to complement them and build on them. The workbook has six lessons with discussion questions included.

ORDER NOW

Finding Guy New Logo

New Documentary Coming Spring 2017.

The first trailer to the documentary "Finding Guy"
that will be released in Spring of 2017

likefindingguy

Latest Articles

19
Dec2016

Mi Primer Desfile de Orgullo Gay

La celebración, las carrozas, el ambiente festivo y mi corazón roto Por Guy Hammond Me encantan los desfiles; especialmente el...

16
Dec2016

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Jon Sherwood is an Associate Minister with the Columbia Church of Christ in South Carolina. You can also find...

17
Jan2017

The Scariest Day of My Life

The Scariest Day of My Life

by Guy Hammond I would have rather doused myself in honey and sacrificed myself to a bear than talk...

29
Dec2016

My First Gay Pride Parade

My First Gay Pride Parade

The Celebration, Floats, Party Atmosphere and My Broken Heart by Guy Hammond I love parades; especially the Santa Claus parade. Always...

23
Feb2014

Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

 Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

There's nothing worse than an uncaring doctor when you are sick My father died in 1995 of cancer....

01
Oct2015

Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

 Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

You have seen them. On the news; members of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, the independent Baptist...

23
Feb2014

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that basically, we...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

The Role of Sensitivity. Is there any male out there who has struggled with unwanted same-sex attractions who...

04
Nov2016

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person; Coming to YOUR Church Soon! By Guy Hammond If you would have told me only...

09
Aug2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

Assembling The Pieces. For the past four articles I have been reminding us that there is no conclusive explanation...

30
Nov2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

Does It Really Matter? Since there is no definitive explanation of how any male actually develops same-sex attractions...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

The Role of Puberty. Here's an obvious fact for males: puberty dramatically changes us! If being born...

26
Apr2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

The Role of Abuse. "I did not ask for this ... I did not want this ... I suffered...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

 "How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

When the bombshell hits If you are reading this, it is likely that you've had a friend tell you they...

28
Mar2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

The Roles of Mothers and Fathers. Nature? Nurture? The debate about what causes same-sex attractions in...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

In our previous article we addressed the initial shock you would experience having a friend confess their same sex...

23
Feb2014

Know What TO Say: Part 2

Know What TO Say: Part 2

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians It's hard to believe that...

23
Feb2014

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

Rejection in Jesus' Church: Perception or Reality? Hello everyone. I am a 40 year old single woman who has...

23
Feb2014

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

Let us begin with some real, gut level honesty Since the inception of Strength in Weakness Ministries, there are...

23
Feb2014

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

By Kris Boyer What does "Gay" mean to you? When you say the word "Gay" a lot of different thoughts...

23
Feb2014

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

By Guy Hammond Are you kidding me? For those of you who do not come from a homosexual...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

Of all the things that could happen,...

23
Feb2014

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Dear Brother or Sister, Did you live a homosexual life before you became a Christian? Do you still live...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

 "HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

Of all the questions I am asked, this is one of the most frequent. A relative, a friend or...

23
Feb2014

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

By Guy Hammond What Is the Difference between Homosexuality and Same Gender Attraction? How my life changed in a 20...

11
Sep2015

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

By Brandon Redler Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People My name is Brandon Redler and it is an honor for me to...

17
Jun2016

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

By Guy Hammond The world has gone mad. When police stormed the Pulse Nightclub in the early hours of June...

«
»
×

Warning

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1557
hc-13
 
The Role of Abuse.
 
"I did not ask for this ... I did not want this ... I suffered from this."
 
Those are the sentiments of every male who has ever been sexual abused, molested or raped.
 
Those were my words.
 
In today's issue of "Counseling Insights" we continue the six-part series on the factors which may contribute to males developing same-sex attractions (ssa).  Please remember that we simply do not know what causes ssa in males, but there are certain factors which commonly appear.  It is often the case - but clearly not always - that males who experience ongoing ssa had been abused somewhere in their past: sexually, physically, verbally/emotionally, and/or spiritually.  Here's a review of each.
 
Discussion
 
Sexual Abuse.  My experience is not unique.  In a 2006 study by Dickson & Byrd, 49% of the males with ssa reported having been sexually abused - compared to only 2% for the males who had opposite-sex attractions (osa).  This may understate the problem, as Jones & Yarhouse reported in their 2007 study that 65% of the ssa males had been touched sexually prior to age 13.  Sometimes the abuser is an older teen boy (an older neighbor, babysitter, etc.), experimenting with his sexual hormones in a "safe" way - with a younger, weaker, boy who would be too "nice" to object or to blow-the-whistle.  Sometimes the abuser is a "more matured" gay man, taking advantage of someone else's naivety and gentleness.  Sometimes it is a family member - an older brother; an uncle - who makes the victim promise to keep this a secret.  In all cases, the sexual abuse is not requested, and not wanted.
 
Physical Abuse.  One of my clients told me a story about his childhood - it broke my heart.  As a slightly built, kind youngster, he never wanted to hurt anyone.  Yet older, bigger boys repeatedly sought him out to bully him.  They would repeatedly encircle him, punch him, and then call him bad names.  One day he fought back - only to have a female teacher break up the melee and tell him, "Johnny, I am so disappointed in you for fighting - you ought to be ashamed of yourself!"  Bullies pick on those who are easier targets; males who are more sensitive are obvious prey.  It becomes an ssa male's double-bind: "I don't want to hurt anyone, but people keep hurting me."
 
Verbal/Emotional Abuse.  "Fag!"; "queer!"; "homo!"; "pervert!"; "gay!"  Many ssa males have heard those terms spit at them.  For a young boy in grade school who does not know what hormones are - let alone what his sexual identity is - these labels seem to echo in his ears for a lifetime.  Once puberty arrives and this young man is now actually experiencing erotic feelings (most of which seem to be toward the males), he inevitably wonders if these labels are indeed his destiny.  How sad.
 
Similarly, emotional abuse can occur when a male is told that he is "not man enough": doesn't play football/hunt/fix cars/you-name-it.  Eventually this boy becomes an adult man crippled with low masculine self-esteem.  Additionally, an ssa male experiences emotional abuse when another person implies "you ought to be ashamed of yourself for experiencing same-sex attractions."  While it is true that the Holy Spirit convicts us with a feeling of guilt whenever we engage in an erotic lust or physical sin, that is a different experience than feeling ashamed of who we are as a person.  Paradoxically, once an ssa male learns to eliminate all sense of shame about the existence of his same-sex attractions - he then is actually fully on the pathway toward sexual purity and peace.
 
Spiritual Abuse.  The Church (i.e., the body of Christian Followers, to include pastors) usually help us to live life the way Jesus does.  However, some under-informed Christians can actually abuse our communion with God - creating a tragic barrier to the only source of true Life!  Examples include whenever a pastor or Christian implies that it is sinful to have same-sex attractions - rather than only focusing on the sin of misusing our sexuality.  Jesus clearly lets us know that erotic lust is wrong (Matthew 5:28), regardless of whether we are lusting over a heteroerotic stimuli or a homoerotic one.  And, of course, the Bible is clear about erotic physical contact being wrong - unless between husband and wife.  Yet, oftentimes "homosexuality" is lumped as one term, and the distinction between same-sex attractions versus homoerotic lust/physical contact is never made.  A condemnation of "homosexuality" is often interpreted as a condemnation of merely having the attraction - a condition which none of us chose or wanted!
 
For those readers who are pastors (whom I revere!), can I lovingly provide a gentle correction (if the shoe fits)?  Sometimes you publicly preach on the societal harm of "gays" (hopefully, you only mean "those who engage in homoerotic lust/physical contact without guilt").  This usually draws an enthusiastically positive reaction from the congregation concerning how the Church must combat that.  Yet, have you ever talked about the wrongs of a divorced person remarrying, which Jesus spoke about in Matthew 19:9?  I suspect the reaction from the congregation would be less positive.  My point is not to minimize the reality that erotic sin is wrong, nor to vilify those who have already suffered through a divorce.  Rather, I want to encourage people not exaggerate that homosexuality is horrid - something especially hurtful to those ssa men who are being sexually pure!  Such spiritual abuse guarantees that the ssa male will develop a "shame-based identity".
 
Closing
 
Most ssa males have experienced some form of abuse in their life.  Unrequested; unwanted; always painful.  Most ssa males somehow blamed themselves for the abuse.  Most ssa males developed enormous shame-identities.  So did I.
 
Until ... rescued.
 
"There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
 
None.
 
Next issue of "Counseling Insights" -- Part 4: The Role of Puberty, Click Here to access that article directly.

 

 
 
Copyright © 2008, Dr. Mike Rosebush; permission granted for multiple reprints. 

Stay In Touch With Us

  

 

Who Are We

We are a Christian organization that bridges the gap between the Christian community and the LGBTQ community through awareness, education and support.

Strength in Weakness Ministries is currently assisting Christians from hundreds of Christian congregations in countries on every continent the world over. As well, we are teaching Evangelists, Pastors, Church Leaders, Pastoral Care Workers and all Christians how to effectively counsel Christian men and women who are same gender attracted; parents, spouses and siblings how to deal with this challenge in their family relationships, and all Christ followers how to reach out to our gay neighbours for Christ through our workshops.

 

Contact Us

  Canada
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
PO Box 20041
Orillia, ON L3V 7X9
705-259-3331
 

  United States
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
2220 Meridian Blvd. Suite W6063
Minden, Nevada 89243
705-259-3331

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

Login

SiteLock