Getting Started

audio-lessons
audio lessons
join
supportsiw


MessedUp BookCover2.2

Guy's New Book "Messed Up" 

In his fourth book, Guy Hammond uses his usual comedic wit, combined with valuable practical advice on how anyone can untangle their messy lives, no matter what they’ve done, to go on and be used by God to accomplish incredible things.

ORDER NOW

Thriving sm

Thriving Beyond the Margins

So you have the opportunity to study the Scriptures with someone who is same-sex attracted, or who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Congratulations. What an honor! In this companion volume to Caring Beyond the Margins, Guy Hammond provides additional studies for individuals with same-sex attractions who are studying the Bible. These studies are designed, not to replace the study series used by your local church, but to complement them and build on them. The workbook has six lessons with discussion questions included.

ORDER NOW

Finding Guy New Logo

Pre Order Now!

Coming October, 2017

Learn More

likefindingguy

Latest Articles

18
Sep2017

Sharing God's Love Without Condoning or Condemning

Watch Video of Brandon Redler and David Bruce at Turning Point Church. Brandon is the Volunteer Ministry Leader of the...

19
Dec2016

Mi Primer Desfile de Orgullo Gay

La celebración, las carrozas, el ambiente festivo y mi corazón roto Por Guy Hammond Me encantan los desfiles; especialmente el...

16
Dec2016

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Jon Sherwood is an Associate Minister with the Columbia Church of Christ in South Carolina. You can also find...

17
Jan2017

The Scariest Day of My Life

The Scariest Day of My Life

by Guy Hammond I would have rather doused myself in honey and sacrificed myself to a bear than talk...

23
Feb2014

Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

 Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

There's nothing worse than an uncaring doctor when you are sick My father died in 1995 of cancer....

23
Feb2014

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that basically, we...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

The Role of Sensitivity. Is there any male out there who has struggled with unwanted same-sex attractions who...

29
Dec2016

My First Gay Pride Parade

My First Gay Pride Parade

The Celebration, Floats, Party Atmosphere and My Broken Heart by Guy Hammond I love parades; especially the Santa Claus parade. Always...

01
Oct2015

Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

 Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

You have seen them. On the news; members of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, the independent Baptist...

04
Nov2016

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person; Coming to YOUR Church Soon! By Guy Hammond If you would have told me only...

09
Aug2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

Assembling The Pieces. For the past four articles I have been reminding us that there is no conclusive explanation...

30
Nov2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

Does It Really Matter? Since there is no definitive explanation of how any male actually develops same-sex attractions...

26
Apr2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

The Role of Abuse. "I did not ask for this ... I did not want this ... I suffered...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

The Role of Puberty. Here's an obvious fact for males: puberty dramatically changes us! If being born...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

 "How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

When the bombshell hits If you are reading this, it is likely that you've had a friend tell you they...

28
Mar2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

The Roles of Mothers and Fathers. Nature? Nurture? The debate about what causes same-sex attractions in...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

In our previous article we addressed the initial shock you would experience having a friend confess their same sex...

23
Feb2014

Know What TO Say: Part 2

Know What TO Say: Part 2

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians It's hard to believe that...

23
Feb2014

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

Rejection in Jesus' Church: Perception or Reality? Hello everyone. I am a 40 year old single woman who has...

23
Feb2014

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

By Kris Boyer What does "Gay" mean to you? When you say the word "Gay" a lot of different thoughts...

23
Feb2014

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

Let us begin with some real, gut level honesty Since the inception of Strength in Weakness Ministries, there are...

23
Feb2014

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Dear Brother or Sister, Did you live a homosexual life before you became a Christian? Do you still live...

23
Feb2014

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

By Guy Hammond Are you kidding me? For those of you who do not come from a homosexual...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

 "HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

Of all the questions I am asked, this is one of the most frequent. A relative, a friend or...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

Of all the things that could happen,...

23
Feb2014

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

By Guy Hammond What Is the Difference between Homosexuality and Same Gender Attraction? How my life changed in a 20...

17
Jun2016

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

By Guy Hammond The world has gone mad. When police stormed the Pulse Nightclub in the early hours of June...

11
Sep2015

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

By Brandon Redler Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People My name is Brandon Redler and it is an honor for me to...

«
»
×

Warning

JUser: :_load: Unable to load user with ID: 1557
hc-13
 
 
The Roles of Mothers and Fathers.
 
Nature?  Nurture?  The debate about what causes same-sex attractions in males is endless - and so far, unresolved.  This much is true:  we simply do not know for certain what causes it!
In the last issue of "Counseling Insights", I discussed how "sensitivity" seems to play an important role - one that may have existed from birth (i.e., "nature").  While there is absolutely no evidence of a "gay gene" that automatically makes males develop same-sex attractions (ssa), many such males express that they "have always been extra sensitive" (i.e., extra sensitive to physical aggression, to verbal critique from authority figures, and to the creative senses).  But is there a developmental (i.e., "nurture") explanation of why young males might become extra sensitive?  Those who ascribe to "psychoanalytic theories" believe there is.
 
Discussion
 
 
By now, you have heard it stated thousands of times: "male homosexuality is caused by a domineering mother and a detached or critical father".  This psychoanalytical/attachment/object-relations theory presumes that the improper interactions of the parents ultimately hinder the normal heterosexual development of the boy.  Such theories have been around since Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, and have commanded "top billing" in explaining what causes males to have ssa.  Acceptance of these developmental theories is so prevalent that many clinicians, Christian counseling organizations, and clergy assume it to be true.  It might be.  Or, not.
 
Elizabeth Moberly and Dr. Joseph Nicolosi are credited for developing a type of psychoanalytical theory known as "Reparative Therapy".  This approach has become extremely popular in the past decade, and is sometimes referred to as "reorientation" or "conversion" therapy.
 
Reparative Therapy maintains that a young boy's insecure attachment to his mother sets the boy up to avoid conflict and interpersonal challenges (i.e., becoming timid and unassertive).  Furthermore, the over-controlling mother hinders the boy's ability to become attached to his father - a key ingredient (according to Reparative Therapy) in how the boy relates to his own masculinity.  The young boy's heterosexual development is further debilitated when he perceives the father as being detached or hostile.  As the theory goes, in order for the young boy to protect himself from "hostile" males, the boy develops shyness around both dad and male peers.  Thus, the young boy fails to act in masculine-aggressive ways (e.g., contact sports).  Then (theoretically), as the boy reaches puberty he begins sexualizing those whom he is most fascinated by - other males!  Reparative Therapy maintains that when a male understands that his ssa is primarily the result of early relationships with mom and dad, he can then begin associating differently with males - resulting in a conversion of his sexual orientation.
 
Whew - that's a lot of theory! 
 
But does this theory fully explain what caused you or me to have same-sex attractions?  Well, there is some evidence that supports this theory ... and some that does not. 
 
Let's start with what research says about the impact of mothers on "causing" ssa.  A 2006 study by Dickson & Byrd found that ssa males regarded their mothers as significantly less "loving", more "demanding", and more "rejecting" than did males who exclusively had opposite-sex attractions (osa).  But, could it be that the ssa males were actually just more "sensitive" toward their mom's demeanor - as compared to the mother actually being harsh?  Who knows!  It should be noted that not all ssa males felt poorly toward their mothers.  Indeed, many mothers are viewed as very loving by their ssa sons - so loving that theorists claim this hindered the boy from properly attaching to his father.  Clearly, not all ssa males react the same to their mothers!
 
Now let's see if the father is the "cause" of a boy's eventual development of ssa.  In the study previously cited, both ssa and osa sons primarily attached to their mothers far more than to their fathers.  In short, all males seem to have difficulty primarily relating to their dads!  It should also be noted that perhaps dads do not relate well to their ssa sons because the son's temperament and behaviors are too dissimilar from his own. 
 
Furthermore, in a famous 2007 study by Jones & Yarhouse of 98 ssa subjects (72 of whom were males), they found that 61 subjects perceived their childhood relationship with their father to be either "not at all close" or "not very close".  The flip-side of that research, though, is that 33 of the subjects perceived their relationship with dad to be either "somewhat close" or "very close".  Clearly, not all ssa males had poor relationships with their fathers!
 
Closing
 
 
Does it matter whether a young boy has a loving relationship with his mother and father?  Well, of course!  Many, many clients of mine fit the "classical" psychoanalytical relationship with their parents.  They report mothers as being controlling and critical, while having fathers who were largely absent or harsh in tone.  Tragically, some of these parents were clearly abusive - emotionally, verbally, physically, and even sexually, with their sons [note: more about "abuse" in the next issue of "Counseling Insights"].  Is it helpful for the ssa male to "make sense" out of his past?  You betcha!  Do poor relationships with parents affect a young boy's self-esteem?  One could easily conclude "yes!"  Should an ssa male strive to correct some early wounds from childhood?  No doubt!  Should that ssa male refuse to take the blame for the existence of his same-sex attractions?  Absolutely!!
 
But is it true that the cause of ssa in males is due to "domineering mothers and detached or critical fathers"?  Does the ssa male have to accept that belief in order to change?  To me, that's a stretch.  I will let you decide for yourself, based upon your own life experience.  Could it be possible that most boys relate less well to their fathers?  I have many, many clients of mine who have "father wounds" - and they have never experienced any erotic attractions to their own gender.  Could it be possible that ssa males were simply more "sensitive" to negative feedback that they received from either parent?  Perhaps.
 
I acknowledge that I am not a Reparative Therapist, but that does not mean I do not have tremendous respect of that theory and therapy.  Indeed, we may one day discover that their theory was correct.  Or not.  For now, though, we only know that we simply do not know for certain what causes a male to develop same-sex attractions.
 
Personally, I know of some fathers out there who got a "bum rap" from sons who blamed their same-sex attractions on their father.
 
Like my dad.
 
Next issue of "Counseling Insights" - Part 3: The Role of Abuse. Click Here to access that article directly.
 
 
Copyright © 2008, Dr. Mike Rosebush; permission granted for multiple reprints.  
 
 
 

Stay In Touch With Us

  

 

Who Are We

We are a Christian organization that bridges the gap between the Christian community and the LGBTQ community through awareness, education and support.

Strength in Weakness Ministries is currently assisting Christians from hundreds of Christian congregations in countries on every continent the world over. As well, we are teaching Evangelists, Pastors, Church Leaders, Pastoral Care Workers and all Christians how to effectively counsel Christian men and women who are same gender attracted; parents, spouses and siblings how to deal with this challenge in their family relationships, and all Christ followers how to reach out to our gay neighbours for Christ through our workshops.

Contact Us

  Canada
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
PO Box 20041
Orillia, ON L3V 7X9
705-259-3331
 

  United States
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
2220 Meridian Blvd. Suite W6063
Minden, Nevada 89243
705-259-3331

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

Login

SiteLock