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MessedUp BookCover2.2

Guy's New Book "Messed Up" 

In his fourth book, Guy Hammond uses his usual comedic wit, combined with valuable practical advice on how anyone can untangle their messy lives, no matter what they’ve done, to go on and be used by God to accomplish incredible things.

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Thriving Beyond the Margins

So you have the opportunity to study the Scriptures with someone who is same-sex attracted, or who identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Congratulations. What an honor! In this companion volume to Caring Beyond the Margins, Guy Hammond provides additional studies for individuals with same-sex attractions who are studying the Bible. These studies are designed, not to replace the study series used by your local church, but to complement them and build on them. The workbook has six lessons with discussion questions included.

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Coming October, 2017

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Latest Articles

19
Dec2016

Mi Primer Desfile de Orgullo Gay

La celebración, las carrozas, el ambiente festivo y mi corazón roto Por Guy Hammond Me encantan los desfiles; especialmente el...

16
Dec2016

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Should a Christian Attend a Gay Wedding?

Jon Sherwood is an Associate Minister with the Columbia Church of Christ in South Carolina. You can also find...

17
Jan2017

The Scariest Day of My Life

The Scariest Day of My Life

by Guy Hammond I would have rather doused myself in honey and sacrificed myself to a bear than talk...

23
Feb2014

Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

 Why Christians Need to work on their Bedside Manner

There's nothing worse than an uncaring doctor when you are sick My father died in 1995 of cancer....

29
Dec2016

My First Gay Pride Parade

My First Gay Pride Parade

The Celebration, Floats, Party Atmosphere and My Broken Heart by Guy Hammond I love parades; especially the Santa Claus parade. Always...

23
Feb2014

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

"Know What NOT To Say: Part 1

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that basically, we...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 1

The Role of Sensitivity. Is there any male out there who has struggled with unwanted same-sex attractions who...

01
Oct2015

Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

 Being Radical In Christ Vs. Being A Radical Nut Job

You have seen them. On the news; members of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, the independent Baptist...

04
Nov2016

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person: Coming to YOUR Church Soon!

A Transgender Person; Coming to YOUR Church Soon! By Guy Hammond If you would have told me only...

09
Aug2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 5

Assembling The Pieces. For the past four articles I have been reminding us that there is no conclusive explanation...

30
Nov2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 6

Does It Really Matter? Since there is no definitive explanation of how any male actually develops same-sex attractions...

23
Feb2014

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

What Causes Same Sex Attractions? Part 4

The Role of Puberty. Here's an obvious fact for males: puberty dramatically changes us! If being born...

26
Apr2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 3

The Role of Abuse. "I did not ask for this ... I did not want this ... I suffered...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

 "How to Help a Friend Part 1: How to Deal with the Initial Shock"

When the bombshell hits If you are reading this, it is likely that you've had a friend tell you they...

28
Mar2014

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

What Causes Same-Sex Attractions? Part 2

The Roles of Mothers and Fathers. Nature? Nurture? The debate about what causes same-sex attractions in...

23
Feb2014

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

"How to Help a Friend Part 2: The First Thing You Need to Do"

In our previous article we addressed the initial shock you would experience having a friend confess their same sex...

23
Feb2014

Know What TO Say: Part 2

Know What TO Say: Part 2

How to Have Relevant Conversations with Same Sex Attracted Christians It's hard to believe that...

23
Feb2014

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

"Rejection in the Church: Perception or Reality?"

Rejection in Jesus' Church: Perception or Reality? Hello everyone. I am a 40 year old single woman who has...

23
Feb2014

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

Christians Like the Rest of us: Four Myths of Homosexuality

By Kris Boyer What does "Gay" mean to you? When you say the word "Gay" a lot of different thoughts...

23
Feb2014

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

"Is Masturbation REALLY a Sin?"

Let us begin with some real, gut level honesty Since the inception of Strength in Weakness Ministries, there are...

23
Feb2014

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

"What is so Great about Homosexuality?"

By Guy Hammond Are you kidding me? For those of you who do not come from a homosexual...

23
Feb2014

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Are YOU Same Sex Attracted and Need Help? START HERE

Dear Brother or Sister, Did you live a homosexual life before you became a Christian? Do you still live...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

"HELP! My Roommate is Gay!"

Of all the things that could happen,...

23
Feb2014

"HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

 "HELP! I've Been Invited to a Gay Wedding: Should I Go?"

Of all the questions I am asked, this is one of the most frequent. A relative, a friend or...

23
Feb2014

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

"The Day I Stopped Being a Homosexual"

By Guy Hammond What Is the Difference between Homosexuality and Same Gender Attraction? How my life changed in a 20...

17
Jun2016

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

Shooting in Orlando - What A Same Sex Attracted Christian Has to Say

By Guy Hammond The world has gone mad. When police stormed the Pulse Nightclub in the early hours of June...

11
Sep2015

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People

By Brandon Redler Showing Christ's Love to Transgender People My name is Brandon Redler and it is an honor for me to...

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Of all the things that could happen, this is not one that you had ever considered. Nevertheless, you've been hit with a bombshell. Your roommate told you he had something he wanted to talk to you about for a long time, but had been afraid to, but today he has finally come clean. With an awkwardness and discomfort you've never seen him exhibit before, your roommate tensely revealed his long held secret; he is gay.
 
Your mind raced and you couldn't believe what you were hearing. "What?" you thought to yourself; "Are you kidding me? No seriously, am I being punked? Where's the hidden camera? That is hilarious! O.K. dude, cut it out, stop joking around." But it hit you that he wasn't joking. How is this possible, you wondered? This guy is cool; he's been a friend for years. He's a Christian! He doesn't act gay. You questioned yourself; "How could I have not picked up on this? I've got good ‘gaydar' and I can pick out the gay guy in a crowd of hundreds. There's just no way!"
 
How does one deal with the news that your roommate is gay? What should you do?
 
1.  Stay calm
 
I know this news is shocking, I realize your emotional equilibrium has taken a hit, but let me ask that you try to keep a little perspective. Your roommate has not confessed to killing anyone or raping and pillaging any local village. He didn't highjack a plane or involve himself in any kind of terrorist activity. He hasn't robbed the local gas station or been involved in a B&E. In the long list of scandalous activities that people the world over are guilty of, the fact that your friend is attracted to the same sex shouldn't be so high on your list.  Is this a surprise? Yes. Is it the worst thing in the world that will ever happen to you? Not even close.
 
2 Timothy 4:5 says "keep your head in all situations." Overreacting, raising your voice or arguing will not be helpful to anyone. Proverbs 20:25 says "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." As a Christian brother, this is now your role. "Drawing" your friend out, providing a safe and secure place for him to share openly without fear of reprisal or over reaction will be absolutely necessary in order for any kind of healing to take place. Stay calm and be a friend who is patiently going to help.
 
2.  Empathize
 
Let me ask you to stop and consider how terribly difficult and challenging it was for your roommate to break this news to you. I remember very clearly having to tell my roommates that I was attracted to guys. I was full of shame and embarrassment and I would have gladly welcomed a brain aneurism during that conversation. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done up to that point in my life.
 
Consider that your friend has already likely lived the majority of their lives under a bombardment of cruel jokes, and rejection from family and friends. So please, as you discover this information about your roommate, think of these following inspired words penned by John in 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
 
Also, it would be helpful for you to stop and appreciate the amount of courage and faith it took for your friend to confess this intimate and personal information with you and let your heart be filled with compassion and empathy as you move forward.
 
3. Reassure
 
When I was a single Christian man living with roommates, during the times that I chose to disclose my struggles with homosexuality, there were few things that proved more helpful than being reassured that our friendship was secure and that they did not look down on me, think less of me or want to run away from me.
 
You have to verbalize these sentiments to your roommate. It really is crucial. I realize that this kind of conversation is not usual fare for a bunch of guys, but you've got to get yourself there. I remember being absolutely terrified of what my friends were thinking of me after I disclosed this information. "Do they still want to be my friend?" "What are they really thinking of me?" "Have I ostracized myself from the group?" The only way you can calm these fears is by reassuring your roommate that you are no casual friend, but a true and loyal brother who will indeed be there for him as he works through this challenge in his life. That is the kind of friend he will need.
 
4. Promise confidentiality
 
Proverbs 16:28 says that "a gossip separates close friends." Nothing will kill a friendship like the betrayal of gossip. You must promise your roommate that he can tell you anything and it will stay a private matter between the two of you. If I had any inkling that the people I was being transparent with were either gossiping or passing along personal information that I was confessing, that would have ended the relationship immediately. You simply must be a safe and secure confidante.
 
If you feel like you need assistance, and would like to pull someone else in, you must ask your roommate first. If, in your opinion, your friend is doing something that is hurting themselves, or someone else, (or after a period of time just not repenting), then go to a spiritually mature individual to get the help. But, even then, do not do so without informing your friend first that you are doing this.
 
5. Ask questions
 
Sorry for using the same scripture twice in the same article, but hey, it's the word of God, right? It bears repeating over and over. Proverbs 20:25 says "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." You don't draw anyone out by sitting in silence. Help your friend out and start asking questions. I can assure you that he has a heart full of things to talk about.
 
If your roommate is anything like I was, I so desperately wanted to speak about what I was feeling and what I had been through, but the topic was so difficult to bring up time and time again. It was enormously accommodating for my friends to ask me questions and really helped in "drawing" me out. This accomplished two things. First, it proved to me that they really cared and were indeed willing to discuss the issue. Secondly, it allowed me to unburden my heart.
 
The first thing you need to do is ask for permission to be able to ask some questions and be able to speak into their lives. Your roommate may not yet be ready to open up at a deeper level yet, and that is alright. Remember, this is most likely a terrifying event for them, it will take time for trust to be built. If they do grant you permission, thank them, and be honoured that they have chosen you to be a safe place. Honour that privialge by being kind, sensitive and respecting their need for privacy. 
 
Once permission has been granted, what should you ask? Once the conversation starts, you'll no doubt see many paths to take, but I suggest some helpful questions would be;
 
"How often do you struggle with these attractions, thoughts or temptations?"
"Is this a daily battle for you?"
"How sexually active were you before you became a Christian?"
"When is the last time you were involved in homosexuality?"
"Are you worried about our friendship?"
"Are you willing to get further help from other trusted and spiritual mentors?"
"What can I do to help you?"
"Am I doing anything, or are any of the other people living in the household doing anything that is causing you to struggle that we should know about, allowing us to change?
"What can I pray about for you?"
"How can I encourage you as we move forward?" 
 
6. Listen
 
Here are some scriptures that are extremely self explanatory:
 
Proverbs 18 2; "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions"
Proverbs 18:13; "He who answers before listening; that is his folly and his shame."
James 1:19; "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak."                                                      
 
Any volunteers out there who want to prove that they are a fool who is full of folly and shame? Didn't think so. Be quiet and listen.  Draw your friend out.  Learn.
 
7. Be discerning and set up appropriate boundaries
 
I would have thought that this one should be obvious, but experience has shown me that it's not. Be discerning and set up appropriate boundaries in your household. Now that you know your friend is attracted to the same sex, don't walk around the house naked or half dressed. Don't walk to the shower wearing nothing but a towel or wearing only your boxers. I realize that acting this way puts some new limitations and confines on how you live, but in order to protect your roommate from being in any kind of awkward situations or worse, facing temptation, this is absolutely necessary. It is most likely that there is no attraction towards you specifically, but that should not give you licence to parade around in the buff. Do not cause your brother to stumble. Be wise, sensitive, respectful, discerning and discreet around the home.
 
8. Have conviction that homosexuality is not the worst of all sins
 
Although it has often been treated as such by many Christians, the Bible does not single out homosexuality as a "unique sin" that God hates more than any other sin. Some Christians need to go through a cultural shift on their views of homosexuality. While actively being involved in homosexuality is a sin, to God it is just as evil as being greedy, lying, or any kind of heterosexual sin.
 
You need to have an appreciation for the fact that all Christians have their own unique issues, sinful natures and temptations to work through. Many disciples (regardless of orientation) show their different areas of "brokenness" through sexual dysfunction. Sexual "brokenness" is hardly exclusive to the same gender attracted. (please read: 1 Corinthians 5:9-13; 6:9-20; Matthew 5:27-28) Remember that you too, have a sinful nature that you must deal with everyday in order to follow Jesus. Don't allow the standards of the world to dictate to you how you will look at this sin. 2 Corinthians 5:16 says "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view." If, before you became a disciple, you held to homophobic views and feelings, you cannot allow these to continue in your Christian walk. Homosexuality cannot be treated any differently, or with any more disdain than your own sinful nature.
 
9. Pray with your roommate
 
Ask God to protect your friend as he goes through this journey. Thank God that he has seen fit to allow both of you to be friends and then ask for wisdom, guidance and compassion.
 
Now that your friend has considered you so honoured as to share this information with you, it needs to be your response to imitate the love of our Lord. By following these steps as outlined in this article, you will be setting your brother (or sister) up for victory and helping to ensure that they need not walk down this path alone, but know that they have a true friend by their side who truly loves them as Jesus commands.
 
Guy is not only an Evangelist in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, he is also  is the founder and Executive Director of Strength in Weakness Ministries. Click Here to read Guy's Testimony.
 
To book Guy to train your staff and church leadership, or to teach a workshop for your congregation; Click Here
 
 

© Strength in Weakness Ministries All Rights Reserved

PO Box 20041, Orillia, Ontario L3V 7X9 Canada  (705) 259-3331

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Who Are We

We are a Christian organization that bridges the gap between the Christian community and the LGBTQ community through awareness, education and support.

Strength in Weakness Ministries is currently assisting Christians from hundreds of Christian congregations in countries on every continent the world over. As well, we are teaching Evangelists, Pastors, Church Leaders, Pastoral Care Workers and all Christians how to effectively counsel Christian men and women who are same gender attracted; parents, spouses and siblings how to deal with this challenge in their family relationships, and all Christ followers how to reach out to our gay neighbours for Christ through our workshops.

Contact Us

  Canada
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
PO Box 20041
Orillia, ON L3V 7X9
705-259-3331
 

  United States
Strength in Weakness Ministries
Attention: Cathy Hammond
2220 Meridian Blvd. Suite W6063
Minden, Nevada 89243
705-259-3331

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